Skid Row

Today I went to Skid Row in LA with a few of my friends. My mentor Nolan came with a few of his high school students and I brought Eleanor, one of my high school students from St. John's, and my friend Scot came who's one of my Rock Harbor buds. This was my second time, and I was so blessed by all that went on today. Kimberly and Pastor Gerald are so awesome, such amazing people who love Jesus soo much! There were some people heping out that were new to me; these 4 motor cycle gang dudes, that are in a gang for JESUS! God expresses his personality in so many different fashions, shapes, personalities, and sizes it is so incred. There was also a mime there that performed an act to a gospel song that was so powerful. He had his face painted white with black lines. I dont know what the song is called, but the lyrics were SO beautiful! It went "I need you, you need me, I pray for you, you pray for me... I need you to survive, I won't harm you with words from my mouth.." I love those lyrics because we SO are in need of Jesus to SURVIVE! I think, completely different from those homeless people on skid row, who have such a more concrete reason to see their need for Jesus to survive, we suburben rich white folk over here in OC forget our need sometimes for Jesus to survive!!! We are so cozy with our lives that it barracades us away from Jesus, and puts up more of thick air between us and God our creator! We have to work harder at building up that relationship with Him! But coming to this today, was like watching a performance of God, watching how he works in sooo many different people and ways! He provided food, clothing, hygenic products, words of encouragement, wisdom, truth, love, joy, peace!!!! He used us to smile and be his hands and feet!! Amen!!! It was soo amazing! I love baptists because of the way they worship God, so expressive with their Amens! and Hallelujiahs!!!  Antoher thing I was blessed with was being able to pray during the service, got on a mic and everything! I love praying, and I want to get better at it, that is just be more able to speak in front of a large group of people. So I guess I want to practice in front of people more, I think it will help me be more bold to speak passionately about God!
One other thing: Kimberly shared a bunch of stories today, and one of them really made me think, she was saying how her and Gerald's house had to get completely re-wired because the lights were flickering and sizzling and crackling, and she said when they got home from church and saw what was happening, she said "AMEN thank you JESUS!!" She said this to the electrical repairman, and he said "Why are you hollering Amen? Most people yell the opposite" But Kimberly said Amen because "At least we have a house! Amen God prvided us with a home to live in! I'm so grateful!" She says God is always working, or doing a previous work because he knows what is to come in the future. So He knew that their lights were going to go out, but he gave them a house before!! So good!!!!!

Updates of My Life and Dining With Jesus

I wanted to read the gospels before Easter this year, that didn't end up happening so I am starting that journey now.
Matthew 1- now i read the christmas sotry with so much more appreciation, because of the significance of the Messiah coming to the people! Praise God!!!

Joseph in the line of Jesus from Abraham.
Immanuel means: "God with us"

Updates on my life::
Lately it has been almost as crazy this summer as college was! Because I am taking an online Nutrition class, working about 20 hours a week as a high school intern for St. John's, and trying to manage my other time with going to the gym, catching up with my friends, and also spending time with family. Now spending time with the Lord should always be number one, but there have been many mornings this week and last week where I havent been able to do a legit quiet time, but I am really working on that. I am blogging this morning because I finally have extra 30 min of time praise God! and I am finally catching up on my sleeping pattern. I feel like I am already a middle aged woman soemtimes because of the hours that i get up and go to bed. 730 am-10 haha, during the summer. I am an alien young adult haha. But God is so faithful. He always sees me through the day. No matter how crazy it can get. He gives me the fruits of the Spirit. I need to work on not being so crazy with my planning and schedualling, and trust that God will see me through much better than I can see myself through. I have a problem with trying to accomplish too many things in one day, or trying to hang out with people because I feel guilt if I havent seen them in a while without taking care of my body aka not sleeping, and putting too much pressure on myself. I don't have as much free time as I used to back when I was a junior or even a senior summer. But I really wouldn't want to have it any other way, God has blessed me with so much, and I just need to enjoy it! Not put so much pressure but just be and let it be amazing! 
Last week was my first week with St. John's as the High School intern, and it was perdy awesome getting to know the kids and helping out with logisitic stuff was a really good experience. I just am so thankful that God opened this door to work me in ministry, I dont want to take it for granted, because it really is the dream job! This week I got paid for getting food at Smart and Final, making some phone calls, and going to 2 beach bonfires! It was exhausting loading everything in and out, but I was so joyful that I got to be a part of the ministry that is goin on in these kids lives. Praise God! To be continued....

Risen!

Haven't posted for awhile, my apps (apologies). However, God has been blowing up my life and I want to just explode on this keyboard right now with just telling my stories of what has been happening lately. I guess I should start with an overview of my second semester, since first semester is pretty much in here. I'll start off with this list of things that I was able to accomplish with the hand of God holding my hand through it all.
Accomplishments:
got through anatomy with an A! praise god
getting through the every days with my roomate who was the complete opposite of me, being able to be calm thru the stress of sharing my space with her
finding joy in the midst of getting over mac at the beginning of the semester
getting healed from mac, a hard battle between my flesh and the spirit
learning how to be healed from God, which = an arduous process, might take surrendering every 5 min!! but seeing it get easier every day was the blessing
getting through 8 am classes every morning!
getting thorough and ending up finding joy in babsitting owen and lucy! there were times when I did not want to go or have the energy but every time i surrendered, God was holding my hand
finding the strength from God and God alone to see lindsay kissing mac and mac kissing lindsay right in front of me like it wasnot a big deal, and me being able to look past all of what the devil wanted me to think- the jealousy, anger, deceit, hurt, hate, anguish that i felt- but that love conquered all of those by ten hundred thousand fold!
getting healed from that ^^ -which was constant surrender and me beung humble before the King, my Abba, and remembering who Jesus is- praise God!
Lindsay apoligizing to me- sincerely and humbly- how our friendship was rekindled and she realy was so sorry- me forgiving her and us being able to have such a strong friendship -praise God!
me finding family in InterVarsity, legit family, they will do alot for me because of the Kingdom of God- praise God!
getting closer with people in inter varsity that i didnt think i would be close to, but because i surrendered God put more desire and love in my heart
getting blessed with malina, leighann, emily, and sage as my tight knit sisters- we care for each other so incredibly much and are living together next year! in basically a condo on campus dorms it will be a PALACE! talking about that will have to be a different post all together hehehe so excited to have a real homey home feeling up in sonoma. praise God!!
being an Apprentice for IV- getting to serve at large group and help out more with that! praise God!
still having my job as a babysitter for owen and lucy next year! praise God!
getting more classes than i even need! praise God for provision!
getting closer with my brother, mom, and dad even as we are all so busy- we are able to still have such amazing family time
learning how to adjust to college and transition lifestyle, time manage better, manage money better, not be so materialistic, and consumeristic! Go God soo good!
still be in good relationships with my friends from high school! praise god!
successfully finishing finals, packing, going on an all nighter, getting baptized (whole nother post on that one too) with kayla yayyy! and moving out my stuff into storage, moving out of my dorm and being able to keep my sanity ( for the most part) all  of this in one week. CRAZY! But God was faithful in holding my hand every step of the way!
being able to step out in various ways this semester whether teaching bible study for greek sorority girls, teaching bible study for my IV one, talking to so many random people about God, praying in all of those times, surrendering, receiving, accepting, I am so thankful. Praise God!

God, thank you for also letting Sage come and want to come to church with me! It is so amazing so see her heart be blossoming, please keep that fire going on in her heart this summer, even though she is not with her community at IV or us girls.
I feel so cleansed with the Holy Spirit! Ever since I got baptized, especially, I really do feel different on the inside. I feel literally like I am a new person, that there is this blossoming tree of life inside of me that is always there now. Like it is now like on fire all the time instead of like sometimes. I find myself just yearning for more than ever before from God. For the most part, I mean some mornings are better than others, but in the last week I have been so excited to jump into reading the bible in the morning. Last week, I was reading two chapters of Ecclesiastes every morning instead of my usual one chapter of Psalms. I have been exposed to so much love of God as well. Like I have learned, and it is an ongoing reminder for me, that God just wants me to love him and that doesnt look like doing a bunch of stuff. The actual act of doing something is MEANINGLESS (theme of ecc), only if your heart is in the right place and it is given to God does it mean anything. When we love Jesus and really truly love Him, our actions portray our heart, the rest is overflow.

I will start again with this last week, I could write for days on this last week, oh man holy moly me oh my. So on Sunday, I went to Rock Harbor in Costa Mesa with Malina and met her friend Gabby. Little did I know that we are now sisters in Christ, and I consider her my family. Gabby is so wise and has such a quiet humble yet confident spirit about her. She encouraged me that night so much as we talked about what God is doing in each of me malinas and gabby's life. I was informed about her mission to want to minister to "the hipster gen" in Huntington. She attends OCC and God has made her so unique for her mission. We talked about all of our friends who aren't walking with Jesus right now, and prayed for each of them. It was majical and the Holy Spirit moved each one of our hearts to pray alot. We talked about injustices, food, France (cuz Gabby went there, so sick!), music, coffee, boys (cuz we all need help on that subj!) haha. It was so blessed, and so great. This was all even before church started at the 9! Praise God! We were hanging out in the "Hanger" which is this awesome building that has all of the offices for RH, and also a Library with theological books, a sick prayer room with chalked out walls and you can write prayers, and they have some snazzy ikea decor, and pillows such a beautiful idea to have a prayer room. There is also a room with entertainment stuff for the youth like board games, couches, the Wii, foosball, and a freaking Kitchen where they cook food after the service to encourage community and meeting people! So rad! Rock Harbor really impressed me and I was so stoked to be there, it was changed for the better since about 8 months ago when I had been there last. Church was amazing: the worship, the sermon, the response was so good. So many people were just in tune with the spirit. After we got to talk more, pray more and after that night I really felt like Gabby and I had an inseperabl bond just from one night! How great is Gods love!

Brokenness, exhaustion, surrendering, God's blessing and favor as well!

Was totally broken down today during babysitting, and just happy to be done with the lecture test. Surrendered when God tested my patience today with Lucy and Owen fighting, lost cell phone, but found it, went to park and had to carry 50 lb bike on my shoulders, but praising God kept me through it the whole time! Just reminding myself and speaking truth into it, that God is molding me and shaping me! But after work, God blessed me so much with fullfilling Bible study 1 Galations- walking with the spirit vs the desires of the flesh, and Swirl time delishisness with sarah, her happiness was with the holy spirit inside of her and she said the one thing that made my week- that jsut seeing me she felt happier, cuz she had a crappy day, i felt so loved my God. God blessed me also with bible study 2- nail painting and chit chat with the girls, joking and talking even more about God, and that I am so thankful that he is so legit! His truth never fails, neither does His love! Amen! And on top of all that, when i got an A on my lab test, i found out tonight that i also got an A on my lecture test for anatomy! Wahhoooo!!!!!!!!! So happy to hear that such a blessing that I got such a high score! Just less studying I hve to do for finals!! Praise God for his goodness and favor and blessings!!!!!!
Accomplishments

Obey, Renewed, Transformation

so, basically disregard my other last post. that is pure crap! I was completely decieving myself and letting the devil have a foothold on my life in making the decision to not go to sonshine this summer. I have to go, because I have been hearing God's clear voice through different visions, and other peoples words, that have made it very clear that that is where i am meant to be. I was just not wanting to hear that, and therefore die to free will, i was ignoring the voice of God, but he was knoching so incredibly hard at my heart that i felt if i didnt go to sonshine my heart was going to explode. Now, my human nature, made me have to get to this point. instead of just saying yes right away to God which would have been alot less involved, i had to weigh it out and debate over it for like 2 weeks lol. It's amazing how patient God is with us, and how much he wants the best for us, and how hard he tries to tell us what is right for us, but he still lets us choose. He is the father, THE Father! After I made my decision finally, I felt so much more free! I never knew I would be 'one of those' "on-fire" Christians who had to really sacrifice for following Jesus. Lose your life just so you can find it. I was fearful of being called by God to sacrifice, to be completely honest. I was so afraid to have to be called out in that much faith, i thought deep down that i didn't need to go through that, but everyone is! We need to be open and willing to be called to live a life worthy of the call! It shouldn't have been a surprise to me because God has been so close to me in the past year, he was bound to have me challenged in a big way soon! So I need to pray about this. Just because the decision has been finally made once again, this is just the beginning! I need to be taking my role into account now and start praying into what my experience will be like this summer, hoping that Andy and Reid will take me back, God willing. But I need to just keep rooted and established in God's love, and search for it like a hidden treasure. So i will continue to pray into this and also for all of the campers, staff, boats, safety, and hearts of the campers and everyone to be transformed, for God's will to be done this summer! Amen.

On another note, God has been healing me from yadayadayada I wont say details, but lets just say its a pretty big deal to me, something that happened about a week ago, and I am still in the process of continuously bringing it to God. I need to continue to pray, even though praise be to God! that He has healed and answered my prayes so far, it is an issue that could go south very fast, i feel like. so i pray that God will just surround my spirit and mind with many layers of love and strength that when i do get tempted to feel or act certain ways, Gods love will be wrapped around me so strongly that I wont even notice the lame temptations. They will be so pety that I dont even see them. I need to pray for Jacqui that she heals from her specific situation. Also, for Malina in her healing process. Also for Cassie, in her healing process. Father, thank you for your gift to us of healing. It is so appreciated and I love you so much for that blessing of such a deep healing process that you and only you can make happen so fast and thorough! Amen.

Another note, tonight at First Friday, last one of the year tear tear!! It was absolutely amazing in an uplifting dort of way! Encouraging no doubt as well. Tonight was testimony night, along with worship, but there were so many different people that spoke. different ethnicities, ages, physical appearences, backgrounds. But all knit together in you! How amazing. God, you gave me a vision and realization of how the church is all different and integrated. But the beautiful part of that is that we are all made specifically so different because that reveals parts of God that are so complex that he made us to reveal all the fullness of him! Amen.

Fearing God...And Wrestling

So, I am in a battle with myself once again. This comes up many times when you are in relationship with God.. I am having a hard time making the desicion on if I should or should not go to Sonshine. And my answer is no. I feel called in both Sonshine and that I can be used there bu I also feel like I need to rest in the Lord at home this summer in preparation for next year. I will still be continuing to serve at home, but not with campers on a boat away from my family. God's ministry is so much bigger than what I can imagine and I know if I continue top pursue him with a pure heart and not walking in sin, but walking into His truth, he will never lead me astray. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me. Your rod and staff they comfort me. When God's truth is laid out, I know I cannot go wrong. I think that not being in Sonshine, I am going to have to work harder at staying focused with God simply because I am not going to be surrounded by a leadership of christians for 3 straight weeeks non stop, but that doesnt mean that God won't work and still make me grow. I feel like this summer, with the people I am going to be surrounding myself with, like Malina, Julie and the rest of sharehouse people, and my other close friends, I can both be used to encourage them and also learn from them. Also, I want to serve at Rock Harbor ministries when i am home. So, making this decision, I will continue to pray into what God has for me this summer, and God has given me peace. Peace that surpasses all understanding, and I do not need to be afraid, because I have God on my side and he loves me unconditionally no matter what desision I make. His love never fails. That is why I believe what I believe. I am still a follower of Jesus Christ and try to be a reflection of Him and a light to this world.

Dear Journal

So I don't have a writing journal currently at this point in my life, yet I still have the same yearning to write out my thoughts and process. So for the past semester, I have been processing through much prayer, verbal venting to friends and mum, and this blog on and off. However, i want to get back into having a writing journal because i think it is a lost art to write things down in an actual journal. Also, I love having a jourbal to write down church sermons, bible studies, and also thoughts about life and scripture readings, all in one place. I wouldnt bring my laptop into church obvi hahaha. But also, tonight i went to a new bible study, in zin reisling, which i had been wanting to go to for a while and it was so awesome! God met me there in scripture for sure. Galations 5:13-18 and it talked about the freedom we have as believers in Christ. The topic of baptism came up also, which is funny, because i think God is telling me i should get baptized again. I was christened when i was a babe, but I really want to make a statement to a community of believers that I am a follower of Jesus Christ and that I am being washed in his love. Malina, also told me to look up psalm 139, and mann God met me there tonight too! It was about how well God knows you, more than you could ever know yourself. So with that, how could we not trust him, because we know nothing compared to God. Boom babeh, God rules!

Wailing Turned Into Dancing

God knows us, he knows our hearts better than we know ourselves! This weekend, I experienced that feeling more than ever. You know that feeling, when you have been exposed to something for the very first time, you are new to it, and now you know what it feels like. Now YOU know. But God has always known that feeling. Since He is Lord over ALL, and He created everything in the universe, including US, he knows what we need and what is best for us. That is something that we do not even know about ourselves. And when we put it in that light, how dare we question God's will or plan for our lives? How dare we think that we  know better than God of the universe?? That is just plain silliness. God brings to the surface things that we dont even know we need to acknowledge, because he wants to put those things to death so that we can be free from them completely and that we can have even more peace! How beautiful. This weekend was a testimony to how well God knows me and how much his unfailing and unconditional love is there for me. I experienced complete and utter betrayal, but "Lord forgive them, for they know not what they do." On friday, when i experienced this, I wanted to scream and cry and just be so angry, and through the lord working in my heart right away, he turned my wailing into DANCING. LITERALLY. I will elaborate more later. Sociology beckons.

So Much More

My immense love tongiht poors out on this keyboard. Thankful is on the palatte of my mind, body and spirit, has been all weekend. God has been so good to me, and has been supplying me with everything I need and have been asking Him for and it has meant so much more than I have ever thoguht! I went on the most beautiful bike ride, hike, and saw the most inspirational movie Soul Surfer this weekend. Got to grow so much closer in the relationships I have been asking God to foster. It is amazing if you really pursue Gods heart and really trust Him who can do ANYTHING, how much He answers you! And the thing about that is, he answers you because you are living out his will for your life! And his will is the BEST will!!!!! When I stop thinking about myself and rise above reproach, I see God, and I see blessing. He also has made me so close to Him I feel like I can just reach out and touch him slash just talk to him whenevver!!! At anyy time of the day! You really have to work at it, but it is so rewarding! God wouldnt have been able to get me thru anything this weekend, like riding 24 miles bike ride!! But still be able to enjoy every secind because He made it actually really easy! Also, I just was on Stuble upon, and the most amazing MLK speech came up, one that was never really quoted, but it was so beautiful, and my sufjan stevens pandora put on, or God did! the most beautiful instrumental music that went perfectly with his speech!!! Can't deny Him!!!!!

heres the speech:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HlvEiBRgp2M

Feelings of Relaxanggg

Just going to let me hair straight down on the town tiiniiight and be free! Free as a spirit bird flying around the world! I am going to just let it all down and relax! Malina and I are going out on the Petaluma downTOWN tonight, a getaway from the normal campus! Old Chicago Pizza here we come! yahoooo!! :D we will laugh alot!!!!!!

tiny victorian cottage « Sharona Design

i want to live here. this is so blissful. a feast for my eyes and i am so thankful God makes places like these :). tiny victorian cottage « Sharona Design

Thankful

Today I be thankful for soo many blessings. Gos has revealed all of the things I have been needing to thank him for these past few weeks and he revealed them today! I am so thankful for my health! A healthy body, feeling just yourself to do the normal activities of the day is so taken for granted and since i was sick for the last week and a half, I realized today how thankful I am to feel good again! I felt so good today! Praise God Whoop Whoop! Also, I am so thankful to have been blessed with the gift of Malina Akau, my new best friend and sister in Christ! God gave her to me at the PERFECT moment when I really needed a friend to depend on and didn't even really realize it, but she has been so amazing to me since I met her. I am continually gladdened and filled with inexplainable joy through our conversations, laughter about weird things that no one else i have met here at sonoma understands, passions, her goals and ambitions and morals and maturity and outlook on how she lives her life is so selfless, and even challenges me in how i live mine and keeps me in check. I am so so so thankful for these things! I am also thankful for the way Jesus has been walking with me this week in my studies! He has given me so much extra energy and PATIENCE! To accept the things that I cannot change (people and their attitudes, school work, study load for examples this week) and to just surrender and move forward! And to keep loving. I am thankful for the capacity that comes from God to do these things. I am also thankful for being able to have this outlet to just process everything. whoooooooooww. I am also thankful for GETTING MOTHER NATURES GIFT TO WOMEN TODAY! (sorry for all who are reading this, i really am thankful for this, we are all mature here :)) Havent had it in 2 years and God answered my prayers and now I do not feel like an alien woman anymore! Thank you Lord for answering so faithfully my prayers! Lord, you reign Furvently on this earth! I see you in everyone, in everything, in every situation. You destroy the broken and build up a majical built masterpiece. You provide healing to the MOST broken and the MOST hurt. You are the ultimate. The One and Only. The Great Bambino (jk,,:)) The TRUTH. I am also thankful for making me more bold, thank you Lord for answering that prayer, Lord :) :). Thank you for continually healing my heart from my past problems that I have let go, but are still trying to get me by the enemy! Thank you for always being my STRONGHOLD! You defeat the enemy!! Yes Yes Yes Lord you defeat the strongest willed force of evil always! You make my heart glad and giggly with overflowing joy! You make me want to DANCE the greatest dance of all time! Everything I do, I do in Your Name! When I sing, I smile and I dance to you!!! You are my light and my life! Amen Amen Amen! Lord God I give everything to you! I confess my faults and that I am deserving of NOTHING, that I am filled only because of YOU and YOUR GRACE! diddly diddly diddly deeee.

Water

Good ol' h20. It is over rated these days. With all of the convenience our world offers, especially all of the zero calorie options, it seems almost impossible to want to drink the first and formost pure substance of our existance. It is getting harder and harder to drink water because instead, you could have your vitamin water, or your crystal light water, or your flavored sparkling water. There is even a market now for how your water bottle is designed, to make drinking water more appealing. I am guilty guilty and guilty for buying into all of this. The whole splenda, equal, sweet n low, and artificial sweetners get me every time. It is hard to wrap my brain around the whole "chemical can cause diabetes infecting your body worse for you than regular just drink the regular" deal. Because if I drink the regular, then that means I can only have one instead of two and that stanks. But regardless if you are hoppin on my bandwagon right now or agree that I should stop eating things with artificial sweetners, I ask this question...Do you take for granted clean drinking water? And I think if you are an American, and furthermore, if you are in a place that has internet connection, which you would have to be to read this blog, than you prolly have access to clean drinking water and do take advantage of it. Me? ..guilty....soooooo guilty. So, some people found out that Africa is one of those places that doesn't take advantage of their clean drinking water...why? Because there is none. Well, actually it is deep, deep, deep down in the ground where only lots of drilling and digging must be done to obtain it. Becasuse of their lack of economic system, they do not have access to drill or dig. So, the same people that found this out, decided to do something about it(YES). They started a nonprofit to install $5,000 wells. Not only do they install them, but they teach the locals how to sustain them, so that they can continue to sustain themselves and not rely on others. Amazing stuff. In heaaring this, made me think about my conviction in this and how I take advantage of how good water tastes. So for two weeks, I am not going to spend my money on anything else than water- and the starbucks, petes, jamba, yadayada yada beverages, I will donate that money to the well. I am also, for a sacrifice to sink a little deeper to Jesus' dying for me...I am fasting from all other beverages, even though I have coffee and tea laying in my food pantry right now..I am denying my needs and taking up my cross to come closer to what Jesus had to go thru to save me from my sins. This seems like a pety thing compared to Jesus dying, but it is more than nothing, and is going to be my personal struggle. extremely difficult struggle because i personally am obsessed and prolly quite addicted to coffee. there, I admitted, thats the first step, and the second step is me taking action to rid myself of something I love, for Jesus' sake. Whew. i am going to be coming back to this blog lots during these next 2 weeks, well 12 days now actually!

Encouragement

Have been lagging on my blogging lately... My bad. But this week has been a complete whirlwind, good but crazy busy. And it is only tuesday. Monday felt like a whole week in and of itself: I did.

-class from 8am till 11am
- gym- kickboxing class that kicked my butt!
- met with sara for womens greek bible study
- practiced with jacky for bsu hip hop dance
- scarfed some grub
- went back to practice for hip hop
- went straight to bible study
- went home, showered, hit the bed... whew!!!

I just wanted to recap, because of the book I am reading. called A million miles in a thousand years- talks abt at one point- how we dont remember half our life, and im trying to write down more memories.
I had a beautiful conversation with my friend Bentley, hes a junior and asked me totally out of the blue- about if i go to that "christian club" on campus and about if there are bible studies

Being Thankful for thy gifts.

Hola. yoyoyoyoooy. I am filled with so much goood food and joy within my heart because God is opening my eyes to the many things i am so blessed with. Like, i wouldn't feel so blessed feeling the amazingness of my work out tank ( ya know that breathable material that athletes wear, ohh yah the good stuff) if it wasnt for God. I am thankful for the little things like that tonight i was able to realize them. That was just when i was folding my laundrey tonight tho, after one amazing afternoon and evening with my frickin awesome hipster aunt Dafna. Ya, shes pretty AWESOMEEE!! hehe, she doesnt think she is "hip" but she IS! Haha, im laughing at the thought of her reading this if she ever does..you hear that aunt dafna YOU ARE COOOOL! And so are you uncle Chris :). You both are!! But Dafna specifically i click with so much because we are both such foodies haha, and are both really easy going and i love talking with her about where shes been in her life and getting her advice on things. We went to venice beach today and walked all through the boardwalk, saw many interesting individuals down there, and saw lotssss of good num nums to eat! def making another trip back there just for the food haha. But it is so beautiful at sunset down there- we got to walk on the sand- i get so thankful for the sand now that i dont have it in sonoma. meh. but its good cuz i am more thankful for it now..But man oh man was the sunset beautiful. We met some pretty interesting people. i love meeting cool people- we went into this coffee shop and just chatted with the owner- his name is sean. first we were just talking about coffee and then found out he is from iran, moved here to the states in '84 after the revolution in iran. hes been all over the world- mainly in europe and so we chatted about his favorite places- he said the seafood in northern italy and how much he loves paris. his favorite. then we met this other man on the boardwalk and hes old, my aunt loves dogs and was just chatting with him while i was looking at feather earrings. she loved his voice- it was really smooth like italianish- but he is from germany orig- and then grew up in argentina- and he was saying alot of things, but i loved how he lives he said he doesnt pay attention to time anymore- he asked us if today was either saturday or sunday- he could tell because of all the people- weekend- and he said he doesnt keep track of time, but he wants to not be controlled by it and just live life timelessly. so that was pretty sweet. thats not something i would do but i dug it.
i also found out today that american apparel's owner is like this sick sex offender dude- and takes all of the pictures for the clothing models- in like private rooms and has sex with all of them-EWW- and his motto is "oh its all just sexual"- like totally honest about it- but has a really bad rapp from alot of people- made me kiiinda not want to ever shop there again cuz i toates dont support that-but the clothes are so well made and i love themm, so i think i still will shop there. idk ponderin. but okay so after venice adventures, dafna took me to this amazinggg restarant in santa monica- 3rd street prominade- called Zenga- it was like a fusion between mexican and asian food- mostly asian tho- our dishes (small plates) consisted of: bbq pork rice noodle dish wiht like green onions, blackened cod (best fish i have EVER EVER EVER had omg), hot and sour soup with dumplings inside, yellowtail sushi roll with avo and chipotle sauce, and peking duck tacos and they used rassish slices instead of tortillas with this sweet sauce and slices of cucumber- o m frickin G. so freaking amazing ive never tasted anything like it. So that was greaat! i had to write all of this down because i dont ever want to forget this amazing meal. i will look back on this blog at school when i am starving from gross caf. then after that we got gelato, as if we hadnt had enough food :) i got cappuccino cookie, and dafna got cookies and creme. we had amazing conversation the whole time about so many things. i really enjoyed my time with her and i am so thankful for being so close with so many family members both in a group and individually. it is such a blessing and a gift. then the whole drive home i got the best playlist from pandora. and the moon was AMAZING. first it was this light orange color- and gigantic!!!! and it was just so peaceful, and kinda had a surreal out-of-life- experience looking at the moon- thinking that woahh, this thing lights up the entire world- there is only one of them and it privides enough light to light this whole world! And how creative God is for making that. and how it frikin stays up there- like just floating- and how we stay like just floating as Earth- in the galaxy- this song "hes got the whole world in his hands" just popped in my head. crazy eesh. my sentances are getting smaller and shorter. i am tired now. goodnight moon, goodnight God, goodnight earth.

Bible Verse from today:

2Corinthians 2:5-16 & 3:1-6: For we are to God the aroma of Christ amoung those who are being saved and those who are perishing. To one we are the smell of death, to the other, the fragrance of life. And who is equal to such a task? Unlike so many, we do not peddle the word of God for profit. On the contrary, in Christ we speak before God with sincerity, like men sent from God. ...Such confidence as this is ours through Christ before God. He has made us competent as ministers of a new covenant- not of the letter, but of the Spirit; for the letter kills, but the Spirit gives life.

Wonderful Conundrums, Fine Fine Friends, and a Torn...

butt muscle... i hated hearing it tear this morning at the gym...i knew i was getting sick of doing the same stretch pose and my body was as well i guess! ew, i hate thinking about that sound...tear, rip.....bleghhhh i had to get it out, ventalation is key hear...or else it would have been pending in my mind throughout my other things i have to say today...YAAAAAAAAACK! ..okay, now feel a little better. okay. Sewww i have not been getting as many blogs/thoughts out these past few days as i should have but i am now working on getting in a blog every day no matter if i feel like writing or not. its good for my health. :) -(oh hey sonshiners) So my dear friend bryn, recommended me this book when we were chatting about our lives and how they are a'changin and how wonderful life is..it is called "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years" by Donald Miller. Picked it up yesterday, and, while i waited for my dear friend elizabeth to get out of her classes at lmu, i went into borders and perched myself down in seattles best coffee arena with the book in satchel, pulled it out and promised not to stop reading it until she was done. So for three straight hours i sat adn read and read and sat somemoe. Thinking all the way through about my life, life lessons, and what a wonderful God I believe in, and i felt i was becoming a stronger person after reading, just one thing about being constructive. PS- i had to move spots from borders to starbucks because there was a creeper reeper- dude, i am so paranoid and scared as a sardine with creepy men- they are literally in every place- i am so sick of having to be so paranoid, and sometimes i feel bad cuz hey, the guy like for instance, today at the gym, i was laying out at the pool just relaxing and got so freaked by this dude- mid thirties, huge gut, tats, bald, kept looking at me and mayb just needed someone to smile at him, but i was too paranoid to even look him in the eye. Yes, i am very paranoid and sometimes idk if it is too much. but most of the time i feel like its right. So i will just have to deal with it and work around it. Seww anywho. this book is about donald miller, after writing his best seller "Blue like jazz", which is just a memoir of his life, felt like he was in a rut of life and couldnt find much meaning at all to what he was doing from there. Two producers called him up one day and asked if he would want to make a movie out of his book. he agreed, and the main thread of the book is about him making this new character of himself for the movie, because the original character, the producers said, was too boring. And Don finds himself rediscovering his own life and finding new refreshing passion and meaning to his life. Life is a story. Everyone has one. And we all want to have a good life, therefore a good story to tell. So its about how to have a better story, and i love it because its not an instructors manual to like how to live a better life cliche mania..no, he uses his own life and just expresses his experiences as evidence that what he is saying for the purpose in the book is legit stuff. hes not trying to sell anything. its just really real.

So my thoughts thorughout this was like, hey, i can have a passionate life and do great things with my life. It made me ponder and stir alot of positive thinking back into myself about how precious life is and like that its such a gift. a gift that is FROM God and nothing else. I want to go back to Sonoma refreshed, thats what breaks alll about riight? And time is indeed running out, and i have been asking myself if i really am ready and do feel refreshed about another semester away from everything i know and am comfortable with. In some respects, i still have some stuff that is gonna make me feel uncomfortable ( like my living situation for instance,) but the more i think about it, and talking to God about it, liike, the more i have peace with it and am not scared. Just writing it out helps me. I think preparation in advance is gonna save my buns. Also, not being afraid to make mistakes, but always being humble in the same respects. I have some issues that I am afraid of. Issues that i need to bring to God more and more, liike every day. I dont want to be afraid, and i dont want to lose my identity in the craziness of life, school, and God. God loves me, therefore he loves my personality, and doesnt want me to become this Christian robot, but just someone that loves him and loves people. Bryn and i, were talking about how the good and rewarding things in life are always gonna be hard, but also soooo good. So they are wonderful conundrums that, in the moment seem terrrifying or not worth it, but afterwards so meaningful.

If I Could design this day...

I'd never let it get away...lyrics from a band my dear friend showed me yesterday called, Jinja Safari. That was though, the way I could define yesterday. I never wanted it to get away it was so beautiful. everything just turned out so lovely. i am visiting my friends in san diego, yesterday i drove down and met up with Bryn, my good friend and we got to catch up about our lives. i love raw conversations. it was such a beautiful day, one of those days where everything just majically ends up falling to perfectly into place.

What a Run...

I like blogging versus going on facebook, because i feel a freedom in being different than the pack. It is sort of my own personal one up on facebook, like no facebook, im not gonna fall into your temptation just because i am on the internet does not mean i am going to go ahead and check my facebook. I am trying to keep it at a once a day occurance. Anywho...
I had so many good thoughts flowing through my head today. A bunch of them was when i went running on newports shores. So breathtakingly beautiful i couldnt believe i was actually there. I had such a great run, enorphins skyrocketing. Havent felt so winded ever since cross country races back in the day- or two years ago :). I was just running to the Ruby's pier (the newport one today) and looking at the sand as i was running- the shells along the sand trailed the shore like a man made dirt trail, except this was totally natural- made by the ocean itself. It was so beautiful. Also, there were tiny little seagull sandbirds- babies just waddling along with their webbed feet, a bunch of them today. I had never seen that many in one day before. I got to watch them plat along the whitewash and then, sometimes, when they were walking toward the whitewash on the sand, just before the water was going to hit them, they would fly up over it and sail jsut slightly right over the water. So amazing how God makes such beauty. It was something that is normally just an aspect that is overlooked, but I was able to actually appreciate that one thing, and then thinking about how intricately made this world/life is and how we overlook the beauty so easily. Such a blessing to see the beautiful creations that God has made. I ran from pier to pier and back, jumped in the ocean which was so liberating and majical. After I jumped in, I got to just sit, called Cassie which was amazing convo, and then just stretch and meditate, soaking up the view. greatness. Sometimes I write about every inch of my day, because looking back in my journaling is fun to read the intricate details, but most of the time I dont feel the need to write down where and what I do in every single part of my day. Just the things I find of importance. Like eating with my mom and brother blake at Cafe Rio- was BOMBSKIES amazingness! Fresh homemade flour tortillas, and slow cooked pork barbacoa tacos- mmmmmmuah so freaking delicious. If I ever went there on a date, it would be with someone who wouldnt judge me on the fact that i look like a cavewomen who eats for her whole family in one sitting. yes, mayb not that bad, but im a messy eater when it comes time for chipotle, or cafe rio. After that, I went home and found myself watching tv..which i hardly ever do unless something looks appealing on the food channel or its desperate housewives, but tongiht i found a sick documentary on jeff bridges. Kay, he's now #5 on my alter ego's list. Hes The Man! Such an amazing talented guy- found out he is also, beyond actor- an amazing artist, musician, and father. I love the roles he picks out, and the fact that he lives in Santa Barbara and is originally a surfer boy from California..adds to my love for him. It was really inspiring to watch this because of how close to home it hit for me...got me thinking about my freakin future again and how much I want to accomplish, and be in pursuit of my dreams. Jeff said his mom always told him when he was about to go on set- "have fun, but dont take it too seriously"- that has been my motto lately in the past 9 months or so.. to not take life too seriously and to remember to have fun. Jeff just finished the movie True Grit- hes like 60 years old now and he still was laughing about something fun they did on the set- He loves what he does and it still makes him thrive- I want that when I am his age. I just have to keep thriving always- and not worry about the things I dont know yet- or cannot control yet- but worrying is healthy a little bit when you are thinking about the things you can control. That is EXACTLY what I have to keep telling myself. :)

The Scenery from today

Perfect

Some days things just cant get any better- or they just keep getting better and better! Today was one of those days :) and I can't just not write about it because I am so grateful for every bit and millisecond of this day. Saw the most indescribable, but beautiful, magnificant, incredible, breath taking scenery today- huntington beach. It was literally like walking into a storybook or painting- such a surreal moment. Me and k-stuetz standing on the tip top of the pier outside of Rubys, just soaking it allllll innn- Frank Sinatra playing suddely but beautiful and smooth on the background- and the most incredible sunset surrounding us. God knew. God so knew that we needed this. He didn't have to give it to us, but his grace is so abundant. It was like a present that was just being presented to us and we were unwrapping it all with our eyes, thoughts, and feelings. It was like a big hug for our whole senses and body. I felt literally filled up completely from my head to my fingertips and toes. Like someone was just pouring pure love out of a pitcher and pouring it directly into my soul. twas quite the treatly trip. Then we sat in rubys and had a chocolate banana shake, split it, and onion rings, lots of ranch of course, split a tuna sandwhich, and the buffalo chicken tenders and did not feel guilty about a single bite of it because it was perfect. Then we walked down and tipped a man playing "hear comes the sun" by the beatles had the best voice for it too- and then to find the street fair was still happenin- tuesdays = best day to go to huntington! tootled around there for a while. Went back to k-stuetz casa and watched Romeo and Juliet- Leo dicaprio version though, sooo great. I so appreciate Shakespeare- it was a modern visual setting with the same exact dialogue from the original shakespeare- so it was really interesting and definitely thought provoking. That was a great end of the night. Thank you praise you Lord. You R so rich and bountiful- but merciful, true, thou art lovely, fair, divine, pure, and love.

Catching Up

Have been catching up with many people this break, for me, its a blessing and a curse at the same time because i suckk at summarizing my life for the past "semester" in a nutshelled form. However, I do it because I love the dear people that I am getting to spend time with that I have missed for so many many months. It is such a blessing to hear so many things that they have been accomplishing and the different perspectives of their college experience, and the same things that we have in common with our experiences, and also the ways in which we have changed, and finding comfort in still being able to rekindle the person I became friends with in the first place, and realizing that our friendship goes much deeper now that we have to work harder at keeping in touch. Also, catching up with bea, still call her mrs. wakeling tho- was amazing to get her advice still, and learning still so many life lessons from her experiences. I am so fortunate to have such an amazing woman of God chasing after His heart as a mentor. These people inspire me to be better, and remind me of what I am capable of. They are like fuel in my gas tank and also the foot pressing down on the gas pedal to drive me to just go and grab my ideas and dreams and make them a reality. Such amazing feelings.
I also love catching up because it is also reflective for me to debrief on the semester because I am forced to spit it all out and I am reminded of things that I have accomplished that I completely forgot about. In this life, there are always going to be ups and downs, but you just have to keep looking up instead of down or to the left or right, and press forward. And also be reminded of who you are-last night, at church, the pastor talked about baptism and who that makes us, our identity in Christ. He talked about the world, and humans identities- like what people thrive off of and what makes people who they are. For me, I am a redeemed child of God, that loves Jesus and that is saved and alive in Christ. That is why I have a real, alive life. And that is the reason that keeps me going no matter what. I fortunately have a constant peace and do not have to win God's approval by anything I do, except love him. I live the way that I do with all of my morals and such because I want to praise Him for saving me out of the depths of darkness. I want to be as close to the light as I possibly can, because that is where the ultimate joy and freedom from anger, fakeness, stress, frustration, regret, guilt, shame lies. I stick to my morals because that is where the truth and the true freedom is.

Hard, but Good.

So here’s my daily blog- trying to go at the keyboard everyday that is my goal-
My New Years Resolutions:
Give up Diet Coke- limit to one per week
Stay more focused on finishing the task/idea at hand
Motivated to have more PASSION for God and SHARE it PASSIONATELY with others without being too afraid!
Pray more
Time managing BETTER!
Today first off, I had coffee with Cody, hadn’t seen him in a year and a half! Where does time go nowadays, but I have found that I am growing up indeed and becoming way more busy, and my network of people that I know and care about spending time with has grown IMMENSELY, and I have to adjust to that…which means that my intentions and time with those people is more intentioned and has more pressure to be good. I feel like my time needs to be thought out and spent wisely- and that has to be acknowledged..I have been thinking about that ever since I became a senior in high school..time management and all of that has just gotten tighter ever since, it is one of those “hard, but good” things in life. But I felt like my time today with Cody was soo well spent! Mostly because he is SO good at it! Half of my mouth was numb, so he did most of the talking, but it was everything that I needed to hear about my major, God, and friends. I learned so much valuable information in a span of 30 min. That is something I want to get better at, is just soaking up everything that comes my way and always be on my toes for what God has for me in the moment…Finding the balance between on my toes, and constant peace which God is in both and can help me always find that place. Also, went to Disneyland with Elizabeth J It was beautiful, and so many good conversations with her. It was so fulfilling, being able to rekindle our amazing Holy Spirit-filled friendship.
I want to start my journey of helping my friends with their relationship with God… And seeing what God has for me, not because of any reason except that I care about them so deeply and love them so much and know that God loves them so much as well and I want them to have the best life they can have.. so I did that tonight- asking my best friend Court about her relationship with God- and I was able to ask some “hard but good” questions. It was hard but good, and I felt cleansed by the holy spirit afterwards- like a huge weight of fear was lifted off of my chest- oh so beautiful. Thank you Lord for this amazing journey. Love.

Messiah Give Me Mercy

The Lord, we forget half the time is immensely powerful in both grace and wrath. But nothing can separate us from His mercy if we are running to Him. I am feeling very broken and weak right now and need to take a moment and meditate on God's beautiful mercy and be reminded of how much I am loved by the Holy One. This is so satisfying beyond anything else I can ever ask for. Phil Whickham is singing the most perfect words pertaining to this situation, that is God answering my call. He is playing me the right songs on my iTunes. Psalm 78:38 is talking about God's power through all of the plagues He threw upon the israelites in Egypt- but also how many many many times He delivered them in the desert even though they continued to go against what he was asking of them. That is the story of grace right there, and God does the same for me and those who love him, so beautiful i want to cry. The only thing that is keeping me from balling my eyes out right now in pure admiration is that I have to get ready right now to go to the Melting Pot with Nicole :)

The fullness of
your grace is here with me
the richness of
your beauty is all i see
the brightness of
your glory has arrived
in your presense God
I'm completely satisfied

for you
i sing i dance
rejoice in this divine romance
lift my heart and my hands
to show my love
to show my love

your deep deep love.
a deep deep flood
an ocean flows from you
of deep deep love