Brokenness, exhaustion, surrendering, God's blessing and favor as well!

Was totally broken down today during babysitting, and just happy to be done with the lecture test. Surrendered when God tested my patience today with Lucy and Owen fighting, lost cell phone, but found it, went to park and had to carry 50 lb bike on my shoulders, but praising God kept me through it the whole time! Just reminding myself and speaking truth into it, that God is molding me and shaping me! But after work, God blessed me so much with fullfilling Bible study 1 Galations- walking with the spirit vs the desires of the flesh, and Swirl time delishisness with sarah, her happiness was with the holy spirit inside of her and she said the one thing that made my week- that jsut seeing me she felt happier, cuz she had a crappy day, i felt so loved my God. God blessed me also with bible study 2- nail painting and chit chat with the girls, joking and talking even more about God, and that I am so thankful that he is so legit! His truth never fails, neither does His love! Amen! And on top of all that, when i got an A on my lab test, i found out tonight that i also got an A on my lecture test for anatomy! Wahhoooo!!!!!!!!! So happy to hear that such a blessing that I got such a high score! Just less studying I hve to do for finals!! Praise God for his goodness and favor and blessings!!!!!!
Accomplishments

Obey, Renewed, Transformation

so, basically disregard my other last post. that is pure crap! I was completely decieving myself and letting the devil have a foothold on my life in making the decision to not go to sonshine this summer. I have to go, because I have been hearing God's clear voice through different visions, and other peoples words, that have made it very clear that that is where i am meant to be. I was just not wanting to hear that, and therefore die to free will, i was ignoring the voice of God, but he was knoching so incredibly hard at my heart that i felt if i didnt go to sonshine my heart was going to explode. Now, my human nature, made me have to get to this point. instead of just saying yes right away to God which would have been alot less involved, i had to weigh it out and debate over it for like 2 weeks lol. It's amazing how patient God is with us, and how much he wants the best for us, and how hard he tries to tell us what is right for us, but he still lets us choose. He is the father, THE Father! After I made my decision finally, I felt so much more free! I never knew I would be 'one of those' "on-fire" Christians who had to really sacrifice for following Jesus. Lose your life just so you can find it. I was fearful of being called by God to sacrifice, to be completely honest. I was so afraid to have to be called out in that much faith, i thought deep down that i didn't need to go through that, but everyone is! We need to be open and willing to be called to live a life worthy of the call! It shouldn't have been a surprise to me because God has been so close to me in the past year, he was bound to have me challenged in a big way soon! So I need to pray about this. Just because the decision has been finally made once again, this is just the beginning! I need to be taking my role into account now and start praying into what my experience will be like this summer, hoping that Andy and Reid will take me back, God willing. But I need to just keep rooted and established in God's love, and search for it like a hidden treasure. So i will continue to pray into this and also for all of the campers, staff, boats, safety, and hearts of the campers and everyone to be transformed, for God's will to be done this summer! Amen.

On another note, God has been healing me from yadayadayada I wont say details, but lets just say its a pretty big deal to me, something that happened about a week ago, and I am still in the process of continuously bringing it to God. I need to continue to pray, even though praise be to God! that He has healed and answered my prayes so far, it is an issue that could go south very fast, i feel like. so i pray that God will just surround my spirit and mind with many layers of love and strength that when i do get tempted to feel or act certain ways, Gods love will be wrapped around me so strongly that I wont even notice the lame temptations. They will be so pety that I dont even see them. I need to pray for Jacqui that she heals from her specific situation. Also, for Malina in her healing process. Also for Cassie, in her healing process. Father, thank you for your gift to us of healing. It is so appreciated and I love you so much for that blessing of such a deep healing process that you and only you can make happen so fast and thorough! Amen.

Another note, tonight at First Friday, last one of the year tear tear!! It was absolutely amazing in an uplifting dort of way! Encouraging no doubt as well. Tonight was testimony night, along with worship, but there were so many different people that spoke. different ethnicities, ages, physical appearences, backgrounds. But all knit together in you! How amazing. God, you gave me a vision and realization of how the church is all different and integrated. But the beautiful part of that is that we are all made specifically so different because that reveals parts of God that are so complex that he made us to reveal all the fullness of him! Amen.

Fearing God...And Wrestling

So, I am in a battle with myself once again. This comes up many times when you are in relationship with God.. I am having a hard time making the desicion on if I should or should not go to Sonshine. And my answer is no. I feel called in both Sonshine and that I can be used there bu I also feel like I need to rest in the Lord at home this summer in preparation for next year. I will still be continuing to serve at home, but not with campers on a boat away from my family. God's ministry is so much bigger than what I can imagine and I know if I continue top pursue him with a pure heart and not walking in sin, but walking into His truth, he will never lead me astray. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me. Your rod and staff they comfort me. When God's truth is laid out, I know I cannot go wrong. I think that not being in Sonshine, I am going to have to work harder at staying focused with God simply because I am not going to be surrounded by a leadership of christians for 3 straight weeeks non stop, but that doesnt mean that God won't work and still make me grow. I feel like this summer, with the people I am going to be surrounding myself with, like Malina, Julie and the rest of sharehouse people, and my other close friends, I can both be used to encourage them and also learn from them. Also, I want to serve at Rock Harbor ministries when i am home. So, making this decision, I will continue to pray into what God has for me this summer, and God has given me peace. Peace that surpasses all understanding, and I do not need to be afraid, because I have God on my side and he loves me unconditionally no matter what desision I make. His love never fails. That is why I believe what I believe. I am still a follower of Jesus Christ and try to be a reflection of Him and a light to this world.

Dear Journal

So I don't have a writing journal currently at this point in my life, yet I still have the same yearning to write out my thoughts and process. So for the past semester, I have been processing through much prayer, verbal venting to friends and mum, and this blog on and off. However, i want to get back into having a writing journal because i think it is a lost art to write things down in an actual journal. Also, I love having a jourbal to write down church sermons, bible studies, and also thoughts about life and scripture readings, all in one place. I wouldnt bring my laptop into church obvi hahaha. But also, tonight i went to a new bible study, in zin reisling, which i had been wanting to go to for a while and it was so awesome! God met me there in scripture for sure. Galations 5:13-18 and it talked about the freedom we have as believers in Christ. The topic of baptism came up also, which is funny, because i think God is telling me i should get baptized again. I was christened when i was a babe, but I really want to make a statement to a community of believers that I am a follower of Jesus Christ and that I am being washed in his love. Malina, also told me to look up psalm 139, and mann God met me there tonight too! It was about how well God knows you, more than you could ever know yourself. So with that, how could we not trust him, because we know nothing compared to God. Boom babeh, God rules!

Wailing Turned Into Dancing

God knows us, he knows our hearts better than we know ourselves! This weekend, I experienced that feeling more than ever. You know that feeling, when you have been exposed to something for the very first time, you are new to it, and now you know what it feels like. Now YOU know. But God has always known that feeling. Since He is Lord over ALL, and He created everything in the universe, including US, he knows what we need and what is best for us. That is something that we do not even know about ourselves. And when we put it in that light, how dare we question God's will or plan for our lives? How dare we think that we  know better than God of the universe?? That is just plain silliness. God brings to the surface things that we dont even know we need to acknowledge, because he wants to put those things to death so that we can be free from them completely and that we can have even more peace! How beautiful. This weekend was a testimony to how well God knows me and how much his unfailing and unconditional love is there for me. I experienced complete and utter betrayal, but "Lord forgive them, for they know not what they do." On friday, when i experienced this, I wanted to scream and cry and just be so angry, and through the lord working in my heart right away, he turned my wailing into DANCING. LITERALLY. I will elaborate more later. Sociology beckons.