so, basically disregard my other last post. that is pure crap! I was completely decieving myself and letting the devil have a foothold on my life in making the decision to not go to sonshine this summer. I have to go, because I have been hearing God's clear voice through different visions, and other peoples words, that have made it very clear that that is where i am meant to be. I was just not wanting to hear that, and therefore die to free will, i was ignoring the voice of God, but he was knoching so incredibly hard at my heart that i felt if i didnt go to sonshine my heart was going to explode. Now, my human nature, made me have to get to this point. instead of just saying yes right away to God which would have been alot less involved, i had to weigh it out and debate over it for like 2 weeks lol. It's amazing how patient God is with us, and how much he wants the best for us, and how hard he tries to tell us what is right for us, but he still lets us choose. He is the father, THE Father! After I made my decision finally, I felt so much more free! I never knew I would be 'one of those' "on-fire" Christians who had to really sacrifice for following Jesus. Lose your life just so you can find it. I was fearful of being called by God to sacrifice, to be completely honest. I was so afraid to have to be called out in that much faith, i thought deep down that i didn't need to go through that, but everyone is! We need to be open and willing to be called to live a life worthy of the call! It shouldn't have been a surprise to me because God has been so close to me in the past year, he was bound to have me challenged in a big way soon! So I need to pray about this. Just because the decision has been finally made once again, this is just the beginning! I need to be taking my role into account now and start praying into what my experience will be like this summer, hoping that Andy and Reid will take me back, God willing. But I need to just keep rooted and established in God's love, and search for it like a hidden treasure. So i will continue to pray into this and also for all of the campers, staff, boats, safety, and hearts of the campers and everyone to be transformed, for God's will to be done this summer! Amen.
On another note, God has been healing me from yadayadayada I wont say details, but lets just say its a pretty big deal to me, something that happened about a week ago, and I am still in the process of continuously bringing it to God. I need to continue to pray, even though praise be to God! that He has healed and answered my prayes so far, it is an issue that could go south very fast, i feel like. so i pray that God will just surround my spirit and mind with many layers of love and strength that when i do get tempted to feel or act certain ways, Gods love will be wrapped around me so strongly that I wont even notice the lame temptations. They will be so pety that I dont even see them. I need to pray for Jacqui that she heals from her specific situation. Also, for Malina in her healing process. Also for Cassie, in her healing process. Father, thank you for your gift to us of healing. It is so appreciated and I love you so much for that blessing of such a deep healing process that you and only you can make happen so fast and thorough! Amen.
Another note, tonight at First Friday, last one of the year tear tear!! It was absolutely amazing in an uplifting dort of way! Encouraging no doubt as well. Tonight was testimony night, along with worship, but there were so many different people that spoke. different ethnicities, ages, physical appearences, backgrounds. But all knit together in you! How amazing. God, you gave me a vision and realization of how the church is all different and integrated. But the beautiful part of that is that we are all made specifically so different because that reveals parts of God that are so complex that he made us to reveal all the fullness of him! Amen.
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