On the Borderline

I was talking with my girl Kristen the other day, about not knowing if we are really saved. I have been battling with this thought for all semester, hearing different church sermons on it. It is convicting, because there are verses in the Bible about letting your belief be whole hearted and not half hearted. "Love the Lord with ALL you heart, soul, mind, and strength." But He doesn forgive beyond imagination. So that is why I am torn sometimes thinking about if I am being forgiven clean, yet still am not worthy of heaven. Because, yes, there is a verse saying "we all fall short of the glory of God" and we all need a savior, however, we do not know the borderline of the decision of how worthy one is. All I know is that I am trusting God, I am questioning because I am interested, and that is okay to question your beliefs because how else are you going to grow if you just stay in one spot? But I am sidetracking, anyways...borderline...it is a scary thing..it is a real thing to think about...so trust God in any event.

My struggles lately:
Being slow to anger and being patient. The Lord hit me with a hard dose of patience on my way home from Sonoma, dropped my friend off in LA and got WAY lost. But it was a beautiful thing yesterday, as I was driving in the shining sun with no traffic, and then there became a slight bit of traffic at the very end, me not getting tensed up about it because I had been thru

thinking

So i just had a sudden realization..have been thinking about my future lately, college does that to you somehow its weird i know.. and i think the reason why i have been wanting this huge career, or the main reason is because of my mom and how she is SO independant from everyone. she is in health care, i want to be in health care, she went to grad school, i want to go to grad school, she did all of these tests to get her administraters liscence, i want to become a councelor as well as get my masters- it was just all of these things coming to me all at once when i was stretching in the rec center just about 5 min ago. I HAD to write this down. I havent written in like an entire month and just got the super passionate crave. Since I havent' been able to talk to mac, i always have the coolest conversations with him, he just gets me, and sometimes i just really wish i could talk to him, but now idk if that is something in the blue prints anymore because of what happened last sunday. I am not going to dwell on that though, because God will take care of me and I need to talk to him, because he made mac, he made those converstions, which means he is that cool, and beyond cooler than all of that, and I need to hang out with him, because he is cooler than anything/anyone I have ever met or will meet.
But anyways, getting back to my future, I just kind of phsycho-analyzed myself, kinda cool- thanks God- and learned how much your family background or the background you grow up in impacts you with how you turn out as a human being. I am going to further this study and ask people about their background growing up and see if it has impacted them with: their dreams of career paths, morals, love, and other personal characteristics. I want to learn about people's pasts because it really gives insight on who they are. It is a really fast way to get to know one's characteristics.

Possible career paths besides the one I am on now (being a PT or family health therapist with masters in dietetics):

soci major-idk what i would do with that, somethin coo.
teacher- little kids
youth director

I give these things up to God. Whew. Future, you are unknown at the moment. But the world won't stop turning and God won't stop working, so that is good! He is working right now :)
He is the only thing I can look to for trust and guidance or else my life would be in a crazy storm right now. I know He has a plan, because it is promised in the Bible, and I pray that God will give me guidance, passion, and peace to carry on with abundant love for Him. Amen.