butt muscle... i hated hearing it tear this morning at the gym...i knew i was getting sick of doing the same stretch pose and my body was as well i guess! ew, i hate thinking about that sound...tear, rip.....bleghhhh i had to get it out, ventalation is key hear...or else it would have been pending in my mind throughout my other things i have to say today...YAAAAAAAAACK! ..okay, now feel a little better. okay. Sewww i have not been getting as many blogs/thoughts out these past few days as i should have but i am now working on getting in a blog every day no matter if i feel like writing or not. its good for my health. :) -(oh hey sonshiners) So my dear friend bryn, recommended me this book when we were chatting about our lives and how they are a'changin and how wonderful life is..it is called "A Million Miles in a Thousand Years" by Donald Miller. Picked it up yesterday, and, while i waited for my dear friend elizabeth to get out of her classes at lmu, i went into borders and perched myself down in seattles best coffee arena with the book in satchel, pulled it out and promised not to stop reading it until she was done. So for three straight hours i sat adn read and read and sat somemoe. Thinking all the way through about my life, life lessons, and what a wonderful God I believe in, and i felt i was becoming a stronger person after reading, just one thing about being constructive. PS- i had to move spots from borders to starbucks because there was a creeper reeper- dude, i am so paranoid and scared as a sardine with creepy men- they are literally in every place- i am so sick of having to be so paranoid, and sometimes i feel bad cuz hey, the guy like for instance, today at the gym, i was laying out at the pool just relaxing and got so freaked by this dude- mid thirties, huge gut, tats, bald, kept looking at me and mayb just needed someone to smile at him, but i was too paranoid to even look him in the eye. Yes, i am very paranoid and sometimes idk if it is too much. but most of the time i feel like its right. So i will just have to deal with it and work around it. Seww anywho. this book is about donald miller, after writing his best seller "Blue like jazz", which is just a memoir of his life, felt like he was in a rut of life and couldnt find much meaning at all to what he was doing from there. Two producers called him up one day and asked if he would want to make a movie out of his book. he agreed, and the main thread of the book is about him making this new character of himself for the movie, because the original character, the producers said, was too boring. And Don finds himself rediscovering his own life and finding new refreshing passion and meaning to his life. Life is a story. Everyone has one. And we all want to have a good life, therefore a good story to tell. So its about how to have a better story, and i love it because its not an instructors manual to like how to live a better life cliche mania..no, he uses his own life and just expresses his experiences as evidence that what he is saying for the purpose in the book is legit stuff. hes not trying to sell anything. its just really real.
So my thoughts thorughout this was like, hey, i can have a passionate life and do great things with my life. It made me ponder and stir alot of positive thinking back into myself about how precious life is and like that its such a gift. a gift that is FROM God and nothing else. I want to go back to Sonoma refreshed, thats what breaks alll about riight? And time is indeed running out, and i have been asking myself if i really am ready and do feel refreshed about another semester away from everything i know and am comfortable with. In some respects, i still have some stuff that is gonna make me feel uncomfortable ( like my living situation for instance,) but the more i think about it, and talking to God about it, liike, the more i have peace with it and am not scared. Just writing it out helps me. I think preparation in advance is gonna save my buns. Also, not being afraid to make mistakes, but always being humble in the same respects. I have some issues that I am afraid of. Issues that i need to bring to God more and more, liike every day. I dont want to be afraid, and i dont want to lose my identity in the craziness of life, school, and God. God loves me, therefore he loves my personality, and doesnt want me to become this Christian robot, but just someone that loves him and loves people. Bryn and i, were talking about how the good and rewarding things in life are always gonna be hard, but also soooo good. So they are wonderful conundrums that, in the moment seem terrrifying or not worth it, but afterwards so meaningful.
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