Updates of My Life and Dining With Jesus

I wanted to read the gospels before Easter this year, that didn't end up happening so I am starting that journey now.
Matthew 1- now i read the christmas sotry with so much more appreciation, because of the significance of the Messiah coming to the people! Praise God!!!

Joseph in the line of Jesus from Abraham.
Immanuel means: "God with us"

Updates on my life::
Lately it has been almost as crazy this summer as college was! Because I am taking an online Nutrition class, working about 20 hours a week as a high school intern for St. John's, and trying to manage my other time with going to the gym, catching up with my friends, and also spending time with family. Now spending time with the Lord should always be number one, but there have been many mornings this week and last week where I havent been able to do a legit quiet time, but I am really working on that. I am blogging this morning because I finally have extra 30 min of time praise God! and I am finally catching up on my sleeping pattern. I feel like I am already a middle aged woman soemtimes because of the hours that i get up and go to bed. 730 am-10 haha, during the summer. I am an alien young adult haha. But God is so faithful. He always sees me through the day. No matter how crazy it can get. He gives me the fruits of the Spirit. I need to work on not being so crazy with my planning and schedualling, and trust that God will see me through much better than I can see myself through. I have a problem with trying to accomplish too many things in one day, or trying to hang out with people because I feel guilt if I havent seen them in a while without taking care of my body aka not sleeping, and putting too much pressure on myself. I don't have as much free time as I used to back when I was a junior or even a senior summer. But I really wouldn't want to have it any other way, God has blessed me with so much, and I just need to enjoy it! Not put so much pressure but just be and let it be amazing! 
Last week was my first week with St. John's as the High School intern, and it was perdy awesome getting to know the kids and helping out with logisitic stuff was a really good experience. I just am so thankful that God opened this door to work me in ministry, I dont want to take it for granted, because it really is the dream job! This week I got paid for getting food at Smart and Final, making some phone calls, and going to 2 beach bonfires! It was exhausting loading everything in and out, but I was so joyful that I got to be a part of the ministry that is goin on in these kids lives. Praise God! To be continued....

Risen!

Haven't posted for awhile, my apps (apologies). However, God has been blowing up my life and I want to just explode on this keyboard right now with just telling my stories of what has been happening lately. I guess I should start with an overview of my second semester, since first semester is pretty much in here. I'll start off with this list of things that I was able to accomplish with the hand of God holding my hand through it all.
Accomplishments:
got through anatomy with an A! praise god
getting through the every days with my roomate who was the complete opposite of me, being able to be calm thru the stress of sharing my space with her
finding joy in the midst of getting over mac at the beginning of the semester
getting healed from mac, a hard battle between my flesh and the spirit
learning how to be healed from God, which = an arduous process, might take surrendering every 5 min!! but seeing it get easier every day was the blessing
getting through 8 am classes every morning!
getting thorough and ending up finding joy in babsitting owen and lucy! there were times when I did not want to go or have the energy but every time i surrendered, God was holding my hand
finding the strength from God and God alone to see lindsay kissing mac and mac kissing lindsay right in front of me like it wasnot a big deal, and me being able to look past all of what the devil wanted me to think- the jealousy, anger, deceit, hurt, hate, anguish that i felt- but that love conquered all of those by ten hundred thousand fold!
getting healed from that ^^ -which was constant surrender and me beung humble before the King, my Abba, and remembering who Jesus is- praise God!
Lindsay apoligizing to me- sincerely and humbly- how our friendship was rekindled and she realy was so sorry- me forgiving her and us being able to have such a strong friendship -praise God!
me finding family in InterVarsity, legit family, they will do alot for me because of the Kingdom of God- praise God!
getting closer with people in inter varsity that i didnt think i would be close to, but because i surrendered God put more desire and love in my heart
getting blessed with malina, leighann, emily, and sage as my tight knit sisters- we care for each other so incredibly much and are living together next year! in basically a condo on campus dorms it will be a PALACE! talking about that will have to be a different post all together hehehe so excited to have a real homey home feeling up in sonoma. praise God!!
being an Apprentice for IV- getting to serve at large group and help out more with that! praise God!
still having my job as a babysitter for owen and lucy next year! praise God!
getting more classes than i even need! praise God for provision!
getting closer with my brother, mom, and dad even as we are all so busy- we are able to still have such amazing family time
learning how to adjust to college and transition lifestyle, time manage better, manage money better, not be so materialistic, and consumeristic! Go God soo good!
still be in good relationships with my friends from high school! praise god!
successfully finishing finals, packing, going on an all nighter, getting baptized (whole nother post on that one too) with kayla yayyy! and moving out my stuff into storage, moving out of my dorm and being able to keep my sanity ( for the most part) all  of this in one week. CRAZY! But God was faithful in holding my hand every step of the way!
being able to step out in various ways this semester whether teaching bible study for greek sorority girls, teaching bible study for my IV one, talking to so many random people about God, praying in all of those times, surrendering, receiving, accepting, I am so thankful. Praise God!

God, thank you for also letting Sage come and want to come to church with me! It is so amazing so see her heart be blossoming, please keep that fire going on in her heart this summer, even though she is not with her community at IV or us girls.
I feel so cleansed with the Holy Spirit! Ever since I got baptized, especially, I really do feel different on the inside. I feel literally like I am a new person, that there is this blossoming tree of life inside of me that is always there now. Like it is now like on fire all the time instead of like sometimes. I find myself just yearning for more than ever before from God. For the most part, I mean some mornings are better than others, but in the last week I have been so excited to jump into reading the bible in the morning. Last week, I was reading two chapters of Ecclesiastes every morning instead of my usual one chapter of Psalms. I have been exposed to so much love of God as well. Like I have learned, and it is an ongoing reminder for me, that God just wants me to love him and that doesnt look like doing a bunch of stuff. The actual act of doing something is MEANINGLESS (theme of ecc), only if your heart is in the right place and it is given to God does it mean anything. When we love Jesus and really truly love Him, our actions portray our heart, the rest is overflow.

I will start again with this last week, I could write for days on this last week, oh man holy moly me oh my. So on Sunday, I went to Rock Harbor in Costa Mesa with Malina and met her friend Gabby. Little did I know that we are now sisters in Christ, and I consider her my family. Gabby is so wise and has such a quiet humble yet confident spirit about her. She encouraged me that night so much as we talked about what God is doing in each of me malinas and gabby's life. I was informed about her mission to want to minister to "the hipster gen" in Huntington. She attends OCC and God has made her so unique for her mission. We talked about all of our friends who aren't walking with Jesus right now, and prayed for each of them. It was majical and the Holy Spirit moved each one of our hearts to pray alot. We talked about injustices, food, France (cuz Gabby went there, so sick!), music, coffee, boys (cuz we all need help on that subj!) haha. It was so blessed, and so great. This was all even before church started at the 9! Praise God! We were hanging out in the "Hanger" which is this awesome building that has all of the offices for RH, and also a Library with theological books, a sick prayer room with chalked out walls and you can write prayers, and they have some snazzy ikea decor, and pillows such a beautiful idea to have a prayer room. There is also a room with entertainment stuff for the youth like board games, couches, the Wii, foosball, and a freaking Kitchen where they cook food after the service to encourage community and meeting people! So rad! Rock Harbor really impressed me and I was so stoked to be there, it was changed for the better since about 8 months ago when I had been there last. Church was amazing: the worship, the sermon, the response was so good. So many people were just in tune with the spirit. After we got to talk more, pray more and after that night I really felt like Gabby and I had an inseperabl bond just from one night! How great is Gods love!

Brokenness, exhaustion, surrendering, God's blessing and favor as well!

Was totally broken down today during babysitting, and just happy to be done with the lecture test. Surrendered when God tested my patience today with Lucy and Owen fighting, lost cell phone, but found it, went to park and had to carry 50 lb bike on my shoulders, but praising God kept me through it the whole time! Just reminding myself and speaking truth into it, that God is molding me and shaping me! But after work, God blessed me so much with fullfilling Bible study 1 Galations- walking with the spirit vs the desires of the flesh, and Swirl time delishisness with sarah, her happiness was with the holy spirit inside of her and she said the one thing that made my week- that jsut seeing me she felt happier, cuz she had a crappy day, i felt so loved my God. God blessed me also with bible study 2- nail painting and chit chat with the girls, joking and talking even more about God, and that I am so thankful that he is so legit! His truth never fails, neither does His love! Amen! And on top of all that, when i got an A on my lab test, i found out tonight that i also got an A on my lecture test for anatomy! Wahhoooo!!!!!!!!! So happy to hear that such a blessing that I got such a high score! Just less studying I hve to do for finals!! Praise God for his goodness and favor and blessings!!!!!!
Accomplishments

Obey, Renewed, Transformation

so, basically disregard my other last post. that is pure crap! I was completely decieving myself and letting the devil have a foothold on my life in making the decision to not go to sonshine this summer. I have to go, because I have been hearing God's clear voice through different visions, and other peoples words, that have made it very clear that that is where i am meant to be. I was just not wanting to hear that, and therefore die to free will, i was ignoring the voice of God, but he was knoching so incredibly hard at my heart that i felt if i didnt go to sonshine my heart was going to explode. Now, my human nature, made me have to get to this point. instead of just saying yes right away to God which would have been alot less involved, i had to weigh it out and debate over it for like 2 weeks lol. It's amazing how patient God is with us, and how much he wants the best for us, and how hard he tries to tell us what is right for us, but he still lets us choose. He is the father, THE Father! After I made my decision finally, I felt so much more free! I never knew I would be 'one of those' "on-fire" Christians who had to really sacrifice for following Jesus. Lose your life just so you can find it. I was fearful of being called by God to sacrifice, to be completely honest. I was so afraid to have to be called out in that much faith, i thought deep down that i didn't need to go through that, but everyone is! We need to be open and willing to be called to live a life worthy of the call! It shouldn't have been a surprise to me because God has been so close to me in the past year, he was bound to have me challenged in a big way soon! So I need to pray about this. Just because the decision has been finally made once again, this is just the beginning! I need to be taking my role into account now and start praying into what my experience will be like this summer, hoping that Andy and Reid will take me back, God willing. But I need to just keep rooted and established in God's love, and search for it like a hidden treasure. So i will continue to pray into this and also for all of the campers, staff, boats, safety, and hearts of the campers and everyone to be transformed, for God's will to be done this summer! Amen.

On another note, God has been healing me from yadayadayada I wont say details, but lets just say its a pretty big deal to me, something that happened about a week ago, and I am still in the process of continuously bringing it to God. I need to continue to pray, even though praise be to God! that He has healed and answered my prayes so far, it is an issue that could go south very fast, i feel like. so i pray that God will just surround my spirit and mind with many layers of love and strength that when i do get tempted to feel or act certain ways, Gods love will be wrapped around me so strongly that I wont even notice the lame temptations. They will be so pety that I dont even see them. I need to pray for Jacqui that she heals from her specific situation. Also, for Malina in her healing process. Also for Cassie, in her healing process. Father, thank you for your gift to us of healing. It is so appreciated and I love you so much for that blessing of such a deep healing process that you and only you can make happen so fast and thorough! Amen.

Another note, tonight at First Friday, last one of the year tear tear!! It was absolutely amazing in an uplifting dort of way! Encouraging no doubt as well. Tonight was testimony night, along with worship, but there were so many different people that spoke. different ethnicities, ages, physical appearences, backgrounds. But all knit together in you! How amazing. God, you gave me a vision and realization of how the church is all different and integrated. But the beautiful part of that is that we are all made specifically so different because that reveals parts of God that are so complex that he made us to reveal all the fullness of him! Amen.

Fearing God...And Wrestling

So, I am in a battle with myself once again. This comes up many times when you are in relationship with God.. I am having a hard time making the desicion on if I should or should not go to Sonshine. And my answer is no. I feel called in both Sonshine and that I can be used there bu I also feel like I need to rest in the Lord at home this summer in preparation for next year. I will still be continuing to serve at home, but not with campers on a boat away from my family. God's ministry is so much bigger than what I can imagine and I know if I continue top pursue him with a pure heart and not walking in sin, but walking into His truth, he will never lead me astray. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me. Your rod and staff they comfort me. When God's truth is laid out, I know I cannot go wrong. I think that not being in Sonshine, I am going to have to work harder at staying focused with God simply because I am not going to be surrounded by a leadership of christians for 3 straight weeeks non stop, but that doesnt mean that God won't work and still make me grow. I feel like this summer, with the people I am going to be surrounding myself with, like Malina, Julie and the rest of sharehouse people, and my other close friends, I can both be used to encourage them and also learn from them. Also, I want to serve at Rock Harbor ministries when i am home. So, making this decision, I will continue to pray into what God has for me this summer, and God has given me peace. Peace that surpasses all understanding, and I do not need to be afraid, because I have God on my side and he loves me unconditionally no matter what desision I make. His love never fails. That is why I believe what I believe. I am still a follower of Jesus Christ and try to be a reflection of Him and a light to this world.

Dear Journal

So I don't have a writing journal currently at this point in my life, yet I still have the same yearning to write out my thoughts and process. So for the past semester, I have been processing through much prayer, verbal venting to friends and mum, and this blog on and off. However, i want to get back into having a writing journal because i think it is a lost art to write things down in an actual journal. Also, I love having a jourbal to write down church sermons, bible studies, and also thoughts about life and scripture readings, all in one place. I wouldnt bring my laptop into church obvi hahaha. But also, tonight i went to a new bible study, in zin reisling, which i had been wanting to go to for a while and it was so awesome! God met me there in scripture for sure. Galations 5:13-18 and it talked about the freedom we have as believers in Christ. The topic of baptism came up also, which is funny, because i think God is telling me i should get baptized again. I was christened when i was a babe, but I really want to make a statement to a community of believers that I am a follower of Jesus Christ and that I am being washed in his love. Malina, also told me to look up psalm 139, and mann God met me there tonight too! It was about how well God knows you, more than you could ever know yourself. So with that, how could we not trust him, because we know nothing compared to God. Boom babeh, God rules!

Wailing Turned Into Dancing

God knows us, he knows our hearts better than we know ourselves! This weekend, I experienced that feeling more than ever. You know that feeling, when you have been exposed to something for the very first time, you are new to it, and now you know what it feels like. Now YOU know. But God has always known that feeling. Since He is Lord over ALL, and He created everything in the universe, including US, he knows what we need and what is best for us. That is something that we do not even know about ourselves. And when we put it in that light, how dare we question God's will or plan for our lives? How dare we think that we  know better than God of the universe?? That is just plain silliness. God brings to the surface things that we dont even know we need to acknowledge, because he wants to put those things to death so that we can be free from them completely and that we can have even more peace! How beautiful. This weekend was a testimony to how well God knows me and how much his unfailing and unconditional love is there for me. I experienced complete and utter betrayal, but "Lord forgive them, for they know not what they do." On friday, when i experienced this, I wanted to scream and cry and just be so angry, and through the lord working in my heart right away, he turned my wailing into DANCING. LITERALLY. I will elaborate more later. Sociology beckons.